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August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | ...so, even though I play Banjo, I still enjoy a good banjo "shot" now and then:
What has six legs and three teeth?
The front row at a banjo clinic.
Did you hear about the banjo player that was so out of tune the other banjo players started to notice?
What do you say to a banjo player in a three piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise.
What's the difference between a Cockatoo and a Banjo?
One is loud, garish and obnoxious, the other is a bird.
What is the definition of perfect pitch?
When one lands a banjo into a garbage can at 50 feet..
What is the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
How can you tell if the stage is level?
The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Did you know that the toothbrush was invented by a banjo player?
That's right, otherwise is would have been called a teethbrush.
Why are banjo's ugly?
So deaf people can hate em, too.
FOR SALE. 1930's vintage banjo. Excellent condition. RECENTLY TUNED.
What's the difference between a banjo and chain saw?
You can tune a chain saw and it has dynamic range.
My wife just told me to choose between HER or my BANJO.
Jeeze I'll miss her.
What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A banjo player.
How is a banjo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
If you drop a banjo and an accordian off the Empire State Building at the same time, which one lands first?
Who cares?
What's the difference between rock 'n roll and bluegrass?
Rockers play all night without tuning; bluegrass pickers tune all night without playing.
How do you get a banjo picker off of your porch?
Pay for the Pizza.
What's the difference between a banjo player and large pepperoni pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to change the bulb and two to argue over whether Earl would have changed it that way.
:rolleyes: |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Rimshot/Cymbal!
Good stuff Cuz! :cool: |
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Joined:
November 2002
Posts: 1196
Location: Lafayette, Louisiana | Good stuff Tim. I started on 5 string banjo before I started learning guitar. My father gave me his Gibson RB banjo he got in 1962. I owe alot of my guitar playing stlye to the banjo. I use to practice rolls over and over for hours. I really enjoy playing 5 string banjo. |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 1380
Location: Central Oregon | Perfect timing! I just quit going to jams in the next town over because of an asshole banjo player. One of the reasons I quit going to the 'acoustic only' jams in Bend was because of that noisey banjo banging bastard.
This jam is *specifically* advertised as 'acoustic AND/OR electric'. I *TRIPLE* checked with the people running it before my guitar pickin' partner & I took small amps over there two weeks ago. However, every time anybody plugs in a guitar (& last Monday night a guy playing a mouthharp running through a small amp as well) that snaggletooth son of a bitch pisses & moans so much nobody can enjoy themselves. The harp player was sounding pretty damned good, but that asshole bitched & embarrassed him so much he packed up his stuff & left.
I went over there twice, but that's it for me.
Him & I were rapidly approaching the 'Take that drum on a stick & shove it up your ass' stage Monday night when our host intervened.
Screw it, kicking that dickheads ass isn't worth losing my concealed carry permit over.
I will C&P Tim's post & email it to the guy that hosts the jam. I already sent him an email explaining why I won't be back.
GOOD POST TIM! :)
/\/\/ |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Great post!!!
I always thought that perfect pitch was getting it in the dumpster WITHOUT hitting the sides |
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April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Good one Bill!! :D |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | WELLLL (as Jack Benny would've said)
The secret project in Connecticut to develop a roundback banjo has just been dealt a death blow by this irresposible post. I guess that means my bluegrass consultant's contract is over, and just when we finally got the damned thing to sound like a trash can rolling down a cobblestone boat ramp with no possible musical overtones after 3 years of R & D. I wish you guys would check out what's happening before you make bad jokes at the expense of toothless hillbillies.
Bailey :p |
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Joined:
August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | ...played my banjo at the Church last night... after the meeting, several people furtively came up to me and admitted (with side glances) that they really enjoy the banjo.. then they hung their heads and slinked (slunked?) away before the Pastor saw them... :rolleyes:
Come out of the closet! It's ok! :D
Bailey:
I wish you guys would check out what's happening before you make bad jokes at the expense of toothless hillbillies.
..you talking about Steve's and my Cousin Eubie from deliverance? :confused: Watch out for Uncle Otto! ;) :D :rolleyes:
p.s. Just spotted this:
FrankenBanjo
YIKES! :eek: :eek: |
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April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Cuz,
Frankenbanjo is right!!!Someone had way too much time on their hands. :rolleyes: |
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June 2003
Posts: 1792
Location: Rego Park, NY, | Where would Steve Martin be without a banjo? :rolleyes: :eek:
Phil |
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August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | ...just another comic with an arrow through his head... :rolleyes: |
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April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Cause He's a Wild & Crazy Guy!! :D |
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May 2003
Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | I heard it a little different:
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? None, they were too drunk. |
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Joined:
August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
...none, they (we) are better off left in the dark! :rolleyes: |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | How in hell would a banjo player know what a light bulb is?? |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | Or DNA testing or Dental records?
Sorry, got caught up in the under tow.
Bailey - "sound like a trash can rolling down a cobblestone boat ramp"
How about:
a rolling trashcan
on a cobblestone boat ramp
rolling timbre awash
Banjo Haiku :rolleyes:
Where is that Spider when you need him? Think they start buying up the banjer now? |
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Joined:
May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | awaiting his fate
banjo player picks and plucks
audience lynches
hanging from tall tree
banjo player's ghost picks foggy
townsmen bury atrocity
rising from boot hill
strains of earl's breakdown
all abandon ghosttown |
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Just For Those Anti-Banjoists in the Club
