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Joined:
September 2003
Posts: 9301
Location: south east Michigan | BrianT and I are burning a vacation day next Monday to record songs for submission to the next OFC disc.
For two of the songs we want to send in, we are short one piece of equipment.
Tonight...after work, I get to go to the music store and wait for someone to ask if I need any help. To which I will reply... "Yea...I gotta have more cowbell !!"
This is gonna be fun. |
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Joined:
September 2004
Posts: 1180
Location: Vermont USA | Ok! Moo ding-a-ling, Moo ding-a-ling, Moo
is that better?
Pauly :D |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | The whole “cowbell” reference strikes a nerve with me.
About three weeks ago, Rick and I were at a gig finishing our second (last) set around 1am.
With about 2-3 songs left t’go, a gaggle of drunken yuppies stagger in from (evidently) making “the rounds” in town.
One of the group was this short, fat, troll of a “girl” with long frizzy hair, a fat ass, an ugly green striped sweater that was stretched over her exceedingly ample bazoomba’s and had numerous stains down the front from Guinness that either never fully made it to her mouth, or merely “dribbled out” during her incessant, drunken cackling.
A real “ClassAct”.
She evidently had the ChrisWalken “cowbell” reference freshly engrained into her sodden skull,
because ALL that was she was able to say. . . nay, . . . all that she was able to “shriek” (quite loudly) was:
“. . Play some cowbell . . .!! . .”
“. . I need t’hear some CowBell . . !! . . .”
“. . PLAY SOME F@CK!N’ COWBELL!!!! . . . “
Now, I tend to carry SOME pieces of sundry hand-percussion in my GigBag
(an EggShaker, a “stick-thing” with a couple tambourine “janglies” on it that I got from Templeman,
and another “stick-type” shaker that has the capability of doubling as a blunt weapon if need be),
but two things NOT in there are a tambourine and a cowbell.
No tambourine because it just seems to entice EVERY drunken hose-bag who had friends (in the 80’s)
that told her that she “looked like” Stevie Nicks to wanna come up and INSIST on singing “Rhiannon”,
which usually results in the tambourine being waved dangerously over the head of said SoddenBag while she
mumbles off-key, nonsequitirs in my (now lipstick-smeared) SM58 . . (ThankYou).
No cowbell because for some strange, inexplicable, Darwinian FACT . . .
. . EVERY StevieNicklaus (as described above) is married to an equally intoxicated f@ckwit that “used to
play the drums” and will spend about 20 minutes in a drunken “hover” near the mic-stand trying to convince
us to play “HonkyTonkWoman” . . . because HE plays “. . a TOTALLY f@ckin’ AWESOME cowbell !!! . . .”
So . . . In the midst of our “thanking the owners, staff, and patrons”, and getting our last “plugs” in before the last tune,
“GuinnessPig” staggers up to mic stand and screams into my ear:
“. . DON’T you have a F@CKin’ COWB-E-E-L-L-L-L?!?!?!?!?!? . . “
Calmly switched off the mic, and asked her, point-blank:
“. . . Why?? . . did you LOSE yours, . . . “Bossie”?? . . . now go back to your seat . . . and SHUT the f@ck UP!!! . . . .”
Ahhhh! . . . the GLAMOUR of “ShowBiz” . . . . |
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Joined:
September 2003
Posts: 9301
Location: south east Michigan | I just love stories from the front lines.
Please... keep em' comin'!! |
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Joined:
September 2004
Posts: 1180
Location: Vermont USA | Quote: now go back to your seat . . . and SHUT the f@ck UP!!! . . . .”
Cliff I love you there are days I want to say that to some of the clergy in town. You are the man!
Pauly :cool: |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | ToughLove.
That's all it is . . . |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Originally posted by cliff:
over her exceedingly ample bazoomba’s You mean teets? |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4832
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Well, if we're being that picayune. They're teats. You great romantic you. |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Cliff, you mean teats?
(Phil, don't you have something udder to do) |
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Joined:
November 2004
Posts: 4413
| Should have just asked if she left hers in the bottom pasture. |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | Why do the (fill in your favorite cross-town Football Team) only play on natural turf?
So their Cheerleaders can graze at halftime! |
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Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8307
Location: Tennessee | How do you get a (fill in your favorite cross-town Football Team) cheerleader into your bedroom?
Grease up the doorframe and give her a good shove. |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | ". . Should have just asked if she left hers in the bottom pasture . ."
If you'd seen this girl, you'd know that THAT statement woulda' brought on a whole NOTHER DoubleEntendre . . .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
btw:
Why do San Francisco cheerleaders refrain from wearing REALLY short skirts??
- Because their testicles "show". |
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Joined:
October 2005
Posts: 5331
Location: Cicero, NY | Great - a couple hours later and there still goes lunch... |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4832
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Couple things I've lived long enough to learn...
-You can keep throwing up longer than you think.
-That no matter how much you care, some folks are just jerks.
-that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
-that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
-Don't compare yourself to others, they're more messed up than you think. |
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Joined:
January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Cliff, I believe those are called Breasticles when they come in that size. She probably left hers on the fence of the field they escaped from.
Smart move to never carry a tambo and a bell. |
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Percussion accessory.....
