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Joined:
April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer! |
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Joined:
July 2002
Posts: 1900
| I thought #6 was the funniest until I read #8...what were they smoking??... |
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Joined:
January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Were they guitar players? |
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Joined:
January 2006
Posts: 5881
Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains | Originally posted by cwk2:
Were they guitar players? Sounds more like banjo players. |
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Joined:
May 2006
Posts: 4236
Location: Steeler Nation, Hudson Valley Contingent | I like #6 too. My wife is expecting, so I hope I don't come to resemble that remark. :rolleyes: |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4833
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | What's she expecting? |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4833
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | OH!
Nevermind.
Slipkid explained to me.... |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Missed making the list, again, this year....
(WILL SOMEBODY HOLD MY FU@KIING BEER!!) |
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Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8307
Location: Tennessee | Did anyone notice that a disproportionate amount of the morons were from California? |
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Joined:
November 2004
Posts: 1330
Location: ms | Must have been drummers. |
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Joined:
November 2004
Posts: 4413
| They missed the guy from Virginia who spent a hundred hours building a trebuchet, towed it 300 miles to Connecticut, hurled two already broken guitars to total destruction and then towed it 300 miles back to Virginia. |
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Joined:
October 2005
Posts: 5332
Location: Bluffton, SC | Maybe, but these are supposedly true. Who would be crazy enough to do that? And wouldn't he need an accomplice in the car? And, even if someone did, who would watch it?
That's just too far out for me to swallow... |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | ". . They missed the guy from Virginia who spent a hundred hours building a trebuchet, towed it 300 miles to Connecticut, hurled two already broken guitars to total destruction and then towed it 300 miles back to Virginia . ."
Shroeder;
I think that that's an enTIREly "unfair" statement t'make!!
. . . I'm not positive, but I think that the distance from VA-CT is a bit MORE than 300 miles . . . |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 5567
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | ". . They missed the guy from Virginia who spent a hundred hours building a trebuchet, towed it 300 miles to Connecticut, hurled two already broken guitars to total destruction and then towed it 300 miles back to Virginia . ."
Shroeder;
I think that that's an enTIREly "unfair" statement t'make!!
. . . I'm not positive, but I think that the distance from VA-CT is a bit MORE than 300 miles . . .
Lets be totally fair here...
1. those guitars were simply not broken enough
or
2. It was a test of the durability of those fine Korean manufactured instruments
or
3. it was a secret test of a new Homeland Security device...
OR
4. ALL THE ABOVE!
Blessings... |
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OT: Top 8 morons of 2006
