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Location: When?? | To some of you virtuoso types this may be long-winded and boring-- but to an old man porch swing picker like myself it’s really a quandary-- one of aspiration with hope toward greater expanse.
Anyway, I buy this shiny new Custom Balladeer sunburst way back in ‘81. I didn’t know much how to make it play, but I needed something to keep my hands busy so I wouldn’t smoke so much. Turns out the guitar was like coffee or beer for me.. playing it only made me wanna puff a cig. So that didn’t work.
What the heck, I figure, I’m still a kid. I can master this. If I pick the thing up a couple times a month for a few minutes I’ll probably be playing like Campbell by year’s end. So I did.. and we all know that didn’t work.
Years pass, and though playing abilities plateau, I continue finding adoring love for my Ovation. I buy a computer with some high-end recording and sound software. Amazing stuff. So now, even if I have to record and patch 161 pieces and parts to render a masterpiece with this new method, hey, I’m in. Instantly Campbell, right? Nope. Didn’t work.
Finally, I wise up to its real worth. I figure since I’ve been banging on this thing for decades, and since I’ve written dozens of songs on it, even if they’re howlers, they’re mine. A savings account of personal times and sorts that I can add to today.
Winter work’s been slow so I had the time. I tweaked the old gal’s setup a bit, strung her up with my very last stash of coveted 1818s, layered on a good hard finger crust and bore down on some old fun made new. A fresh take with improving results. Even joined the OFC. Having a blast.. though yet, it has brought on a nagging itch. A quickly growing desire for something shiny and new (uh-oh).
Then, just the other night, a moment took place. I was screeching on my O while strolling about the house. In the kitchen my wife was slicing meat on the counter. As I passed behind her I casually mentioned, “I need more guitars.”
The meat cutting immediately stopped. Her response was one where the head does not move from its facing position. Only the eyeball moves, in silence, to the corner of the face. It peered. I paused, peered back, then glanced down at the hacked meat, then back at the silent eyeball. Then our tandem stare shifted toward the butcher knife.
So I ask of those who may have ever experienced that same type of spousal encounter during a spell of addictive forbearance… one, in this particular case, where the aforesaid spouse’s 2004 model car sobs in the garage seeking a vanity replacement during times of purse strings under my control.. are there any magic words to convince and soothe the savage beast, and to eek out but just one more year’s mileage on the ’04? I don't speak fluent guitar. Am I doomed??
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Posts: 7229
Location: The Great Pacific Northwest | It is at these times I look to inspiration from t-shirt slogans.
"She asked me to choose between her and the guitars..... I will miss her."
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Posts: 359
Location: undisclosed | You have gas (guitar acquisition syndrome). I settle for Bad Gas looking for inexpensive wrecks to repair to keep the costs down. I've tried that approach dating though and it doesn't work. If you have to get another wife try to find the best one you can, it will be less wear and tear in the long run. |
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Location: Frozen Tundra of Minnesota | Mr. Ovation - 2016-03-12 12:25 PM
It is at these times I look to inspiration from t-shirt slogans.
"She asked me to choose between her and the guitars..... I will miss her."
I don't miss mine one little bit....  but that is a story I will keep to myself.
Compromises can work, she gets something shiny and new, and you get something shiny and new (you have to agree ahead of time, that cost isn't the issue - if her want only costs $75, and your is $750, you both are getting what you want) I hate the "well you spent more on XXXX than I did arguments...)
Celebration Gifts work well for GAS Acquisitions, Birthdays, Anniversary's, Father's Days, Christmas, and if it is something *very* nice that you want, ask to combine them all for one BIG Present!
Or, the ploy I usually employed.... get it, and then put it in the middle of your other ones, (this actually worked best on clothes and sweaters, you could stuff them in the closet or drawer) and then get in a huff when he asks you if it is new, because you have had it forever, and he never notices you anymore!
I Love your picturesque stories, please keep them coming, I really enjoy your writing style! Very fun!! And Welcome to the OFC!! 
P.S. OH! And don't EVER say, "I need *more*..." they will jump all over you, immediately thinking you want 25 or more... one step at a time, "I would really Love to get *a* new guitar..." be careful with a woman good with a knife, if she knows how to use it, she could probably be quite convincing that it was an *Accident* to the Police.... Good Luck, and keep us posted so that we know you are okay...
Edited by Nancy 2016-03-12 2:15 PM
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Location: Keepin' It Weird in Portland, OR | Remember... Asking for Forgiveness is often easier than asking for Permission.
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Location: Jet City | When I first joined the OFC I had a girlfriend who didn't quite understand my needs... for guitars that is.
I did the 'compromise' thing Nancy suggested. I ended up with a few new guitars, and she ended up with a few new Coach bags.
But that got old. Now she's an ex-girlfriend.
Sara understands me... no Coach bags needed. Sometimes she even encourages me... a definite keeper! |
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Location: Frozen Tundra of Minnesota | Damon67 - 2016-03-12 3:43 PM
When I first joined the OFC I had a girlfriend who didn't quite understand my needs... for guitars that is.
I did the 'compromise' thing Nancy suggested. I ended up with a few new guitars, and she ended up with a few new Coach bags.
But that got old. Now she's an ex-girlfriend.
Sara understands me... no Coach bags needed. Sometimes she even encourages me... a definite keeper!
She is a Good Woman Damon, she likes to see you happy!! Just don't forget to reward her *understanding* with lots of "I don't know what I would do without you" and long hugs, those are the best rewards you can get as a woman!
Edited by Nancy 2016-03-12 4:17 PM
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Location: Utah | Accidentally leave your browser up with photos of various member's collections. Nance, ProfBB, Damon, and many others here have exquisite collections. Or just large collections. Then when you say you just want "one more" it doesn't seem nearly so bad. You could, after all, be one of those nuts with rooms full of guitars!
Another strategy is to buy guitars that all have similar cosmetics. All sunburst, for example, or all natural wood. Chances are she won't notice the differences... |
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Location: Frozen Tundra of Minnesota | FlySig - 2016-03-12 6:25 PM
Accidentally leave your browser up with photos of various member's collections. Nance, ProfBB, Damon, and many others here have exquisite collections. Or just large collections. Then when you say you just want "one more" it doesn't seem nearly so bad. You could, after all, be one of those nuts with rooms full of guitars!
******SNORT*******
Dew Spew!!!!! Gotta go clean my screen again, Thanks FlySig!! LMAO!!!!!!
Edited by Nancy 2016-03-12 6:58 PM
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Location: Boise, Idaho | No help from me. The reciprocity thing will backfire. It'll cost you at least twice as much and somehow the guitar is always yours, but her stuff is for the house or for "us." Just buy it and face the consequences. If she doesn't forgive you, you'll still have the guitar. How many times has she gone to the store and come back empty handed? Tell her it was 40% off. Works for them. |
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Location: Always beautiful canyon country of Utah | Wives come and go but guitars are forever!! |
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Location: Always beautiful canyon country of Utah | And to avoid being sexist the same might be said for husbands!! |
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Location: Keepin' It Weird in Portland, OR | Yeah... It is more fun to say it about wives.
Plus, if you have an Ol' Lady who plays and collects Ovation (or any other) guitars, you will get NO Sympathy from Anybody if you snivel about it.
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Location: Phoenix AZ | There are far worse things to blow your money on than a new guitar. |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | Don't say you want one, say you need one for a different style, it will help advance your learning process by providing a broader spectrum of sound. When that works, use it again the next time. |
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Location: Boise, Idaho | And more than one wife is way more expensive than more than one guitar. Mine told me many years ago that cars were lots cheaper than bimbos and guitars are lots cheaper than cars. |
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Location: Frozen Tundra of Minnesota | Mark in Boise - 2016-03-13 3:11 PM
And more than one wife is way more expensive than more than one guitar. Mine told me many years ago that cars were lots cheaper than bimbos and guitars are lots cheaper than cars.
I wish we had a "Thumbs Up" emoticon, this is Perfect Female Logic! |
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Location: Always beautiful canyon country of Utah | As long as both go their way in peace and love without making demands it is not a problem. My wife and I split everything up 30 years ago so we would be prepared for that moment. However we find ourselves still together and she is not requesting any of my meager collection of guitars!! |
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Location: When?? | Oh, my.. I had no idea there would be so many responses to my post! Thank you all for your insight, suggestions and thoughtful wit!
I see that I may just fit in around here since we all seem to have our way of interpreting the rules of marriage, especially as they pertain to GAS (which, by the way, thank you, Cavalier, for enlightening me to the definition). Now I just have to figure out which one to use.. though as the enjoyable preponderance and mystic resolutions fade and the hangover sets in, I have a strong feeling there is probably going to be both a new guitar and a new car in our household's future; so it looks like Nancy's idea will most likely be credited as the solution :-)
Now a whole new problem.. I want a two-door coupe, and she wants a small SUV. Damn, man, it never stops.. but I won't trouble you all with that one. So off I go to the Motor Trend forum. As long as there's enough room in said vehicle to transport my new Ovation home, I guess all will be fine (I guess). Anyone here work for a bank?
Thank you all again for your kind replies! I am humbled.
~LOF~ |
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Location: Keepin' It Weird in Portland, OR | Love O Fair - 2016-03-13 4:09 PM
Now a whole new problem.. I want a two-door coupe, and she wants a small SUV.
No Problem.
You want guitars, let her have the SUV.
You can haul many more guitars in an SUV that a small coupe. 
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Location: Frozen Tundra of Minnesota | Old Man Arthur - 2016-03-13 6:23 PM
Love O Fair - 2016-03-13 4:09 PM
Now a whole new problem.. I want a two-door coupe, and she wants a small SUV.
No Problem.
You want guitars, let her have the SUV.
You can haul many more guitars in an SUV that a small coupe.
+1 Arthur!!!!
PLEASE get her the SUV!!! I have driven a regular car all my life, and wanted an SUV, finally (after getting rid of the obstacle in the way), I bought myself a Cherry Red Saturn Vue SUV, and I LOVE it!!! It is SO easy to get in and out of, you can load and unload groceries so easily, and to be honest, you could offer me Dr Savages' "vette, and I would pick my little "Ruby" over it!!! That really is important for Women, you sit higher, see better, feel safer, and makes you feel like a Queen of the Road!!! Let her have her SUV, and you will get anything you want!!! AND like OMA said, you can carry more Ovations in the back!
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Location: undisclosed | Plus there is a back seat in the SUV if you ever decide to change your gas attack to Bad (Girl Acquisition Syndrome) GAS! |
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Location: When?? | Geeze, okay..
Nancy, this is Beth. Beth, this is Nancy (Hi. Hi.)
So, now you can both commence to pummel me together for being a selfish *man* who will gladly sacrifice the practicality of an SUV just to keep a visual of his babe pulling up the driveway in a cute little girly car (her '04 is a Toyota Celica). However.. I am now thinking of just biting the bullet and going for a sex change. Yep. It's just GOTTA be easier that way (except for long nails digging into a fret board.. yikes!)
And Arthur.. while you are right about the SUV's guitar hauling capacity, you're not helping matters on the mano front.. unless you want to marry me after "the change" since I suppose Beth will likely be kinda put off by it. If so, then I'll probably want the SUV!
Great, now I'm all confused. |
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Location: When?? | Cavalier.. your post came in while I was writing mine. Ya know, I think you may be onto something there. I'm calling the surgeon to cancel.
And Nancy.. you didn't see this! |
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Location: undisclosed | Always glad to encourage a man to keep a pair! |
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Guitars vs. Budget vs. Knives...
