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Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto.
Can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe .
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. |
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Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | Those Canadians are a mysterious lot. Any interest in annexing Idaho? We do share a very short stretch of the border, although most people in the world probably don't know that, either. |
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Location: SE Michigan | If I get pulled over for speeding in Canada, does it work to tell the Mountie that the sign said 100 and I thought it meant miles per hour? |
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Location: UK | Q :Is it true that there is national conscription to play ice hockey requiring all boys over the age of 5 to stay in a frozen lodge guarded and trained by a crack team of Mooses for a two year period ?( UK )
Q : Is sychronised swimming the only olympic gold canada has ever won ?(UK ) |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Originally posted by Andrea:
Q :Is it true that there is national conscription to play ice hockey requiring all boys over the age of 5 to stay in a frozen lodge guarded and trained by a crack team of Mooses for a two year period ?( UK ) Yes. However the plural is still Moose.
Q : Is sychronised swimming the only olympic gold canada has ever won ?(UK ) We also customarily win gold medals in snowboarding while stoned. ( see Ross Nicklebag-liati ) |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Originally posted by Brian T:
Q: If I get pulled over for speeding in Canada, does it work to tell the Mountie that the sign said 100 and I thought it meant miles per hour? A: You're pretty much in the clear because the horse still can't do more than 80 kph. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Originally posted by Mark in Boise:
Any interest in annexing Idaho? The truth is; if you drink enough beer, play hockey, have fist fights for fun on Friday night (when there's no hockey), make love more often than an American but are less sexist than an Aussie......you ARE Canadian!
You may apply for your Canadian passport at Neil Youngs ranch. |
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Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | Originally posted by Brian T:
If I get pulled over for speeding in Canada, does it work to tell the Mountie that the sign said 100 and I thought it meant miles per hour? This thread is reminding me of my Canadian metric beer story, but then most everything reminds me of that story.
It is a magnificent country. I have been wanting to get over to Whistler for years. I may not be able to afford it anymore, especially once the Olympics hit. Utah used to have cheap skiing, but not anymore. Gotta pay for those new facilities. |
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Location: UK | Fillhixx arnt you not from Milton bleedin Keynes ?? |
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Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Yes the beer story does, in fact, qualify your uncles and their descendants for Canadian Citizenship.
.............................................
Funny thing is, there are several mountains around here significantly better than Whistler. But few Villages so much fun to get drunk and stumble around in....
Sun Peaks
Mount Washinton Lotsa other places |
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Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | That was my second Canadian beer story. The first one was about 10 packs. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Andrea; remember, you're on the other side of the world therefore drinking on the day shift here....
;) |
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Posts: 3145
Location: Marlton, NJ | Originally posted by Fillhixx:
The truth is ...make love more often than an American but are less sexist than an Aussie......you ARE Canadian! Making love to moose doesn't count... we're all safe down here for now. |
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Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | That doesn't count as 'making love,' though it does qualify as practice. |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| They'll need a dry-run for the facilities before the Games - we could hold the OFC Tour to end all OFC Tours if we all turned up.
Call someone in authority phil. Get our bid in now. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | July 11-13, Vancouver Island Music fest.
This would be considered a training event for Canadian Olympic drinking. (Though participation in the drinking portion of the program is not mandatory, it makes sleeping through the revelers easier)
You must qualify at a regional level before entering national and international drinking events.
Shroeder, Muzza, Mark in Boise, and Templeman Qualify at this point. I'm not sure enough of the rest would qualify, thereby allowing us use of Canadian Olympic facilities.
Please note; There is no such thing as a 'dry run' in Canada.
By legal statute.
(go ahead, ask Mark) |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| Don't want to be xenophobic here, but muzza and m-i-b are not going to trouble temp and me in a beer drinking com[petition. In fact tempm isn't going to trouble me in a beer drinking competition. However once tequila becomes involved I'm out and temp's in. |
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Posts: 5327
Location: Cicero, NY | Ooo, tag team. I like the way you think. |
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March 2005
Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | Just because I tell stories about beer drinking, it doesn't mean I could win any kind of beer drinking contest. Those days were long ago, far away and many brain cells ago. Can't handle too much anymore and don't want to.
I have a bunch of puke stories, too, but I don't really want to create any new ones. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Good stories count in establishing bona fides.
Especially if they are accompanied by a court order! |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4819
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Originally posted by schroeder:
They'll need a dry-run for the facilities before the Games Some of the facilities are finished now. The girls ski-jump team is practicing, even though there is no event for them at this time. (Soooo Canadian.) |
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OT: 2010 Winter Olympics
