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OT - Pet Diary Humor
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Forums Archive -> The Vault: 2008 | Message format |
Watchme22 |
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Joined: January 2005 Posts: 161 Location: Atlanta GA | DOG DIARY 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing ! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing ! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! CAT DIARY Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.... | ||
Gway |
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Joined: April 2007 Posts: 318 Location: Slightly northwest of Trader Jim | I have 6 ferral cats,3 of which let me pet them (as long as there is food in the bowl)I feed them, pet the one's that allow me , then they go away. Best damn cats I ever had! :D | ||
Beggin |
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Joined: November 2006 Posts: 2241 Location: Simpsonville, SC | Gary, glad you like em buddy, you will have more soon! :eek: | ||
Damon67 |
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Joined: December 2006 Posts: 6992 Location: Jet City | You all thinking what I am? GUITAR STRINGS! There, back on topic. | ||
Paulcc1 |
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Joined: September 2004 Posts: 1180 Location: Vermont USA | What gauge cats are they? Pauly | ||
Jeff W. |
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Joined: November 2003 Posts: 11039 Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | I saw a bumper sticker this morning: "Ask Me About Microwaving Cats For Fun And Profit" | ||
Gway |
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Joined: April 2007 Posts: 318 Location: Slightly northwest of Trader Jim | Originally posted by BegginJIM: I said I have 6 ferral cats, I didn't mention that I started with 2. They started to come around only after the foxes left. I had 2 of those. ;)Gary, glad you like em buddy, you will have more soon! :eek: | ||
Beal |
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Joined: January 2002 Posts: 14127 Location: 6 String Ranch | There are a lot of ferrel cats on Amelia. I'm not a cat fan. | ||
Waskel |
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Joined: February 2005 Posts: 11840 Location: closely held secret | Beal, while BB and I are out riding scooters, we'll see if we can reduce the count. | ||
Jeff W. |
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Joined: November 2003 Posts: 11039 Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | You need one of these on the island... | ||
maxdaddy7271 |
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Joined: March 2006 Posts: 482 Location: enid, ok | Chinese takeout! Strings are extra. They don't give anything away! | ||
an4340 |
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Joined: May 2003 Posts: 4389 Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | Gerbil Diaries: They've returned Roy again. He keeps coming back freshly shampooed. He refuses to talk anymore. What's happening to him? I blame the cat. | ||
Jeff W. |
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Joined: November 2003 Posts: 11039 Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | ....We begin to dread the days Richard Gere calls.... | ||
maxdaddy7271 |
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Joined: March 2006 Posts: 482 Location: enid, ok | Even though it's probably not true, he's never going to live that down, is he? | ||
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